Offices. A lot of us have to work in them. They’re alright most of the time though, aren’t they? There are worse places to work. Down mines, for instance. There’s not much chance that your office is going to collapse in on itself and you and all your colleagues are going to be trapped underground for weeks with no food, drink, air or natural light. But, still… They can have they their downsides. Things can go wrong. Of course they can. If they didn’t, we wouldn’t be featuring them here. We’ve got fifteen office fails right here for you that will make you wish you never have to step into an office again…
A recent survey that we’ve just made up has found that 90.1% of all disputes in the workplace stem from bathroom-based atrocities. At home, we have almost total control over what goes in and out of our toilets. But at work? No such luck. Dozens of people use the same john as you and there’s always one who doesn’t clean up after themselves. Usually someone with – how can we say? – an adventurous diet. If only you could take your own toilets to work.
Other than toilets being left in a right old state, there are plenty of other things that can annoy office workers. Bureaucracy and a feeling that the corporate machine is nothing more than an oppressive machine that’s designed to crush the spirit of the working man – is another. This pop up screenshotted by someone shows how difficult getting your worker’s rights can be. Damn – we can feel ourselves turning into miniature Karl Marxs looking at this… WORKERS UNITE!
NEWS JUST IN: The newsroom doesn’t like the smell of day-old tomato ketchup. As adeptly shown in this notice. We think they should have mocked up a fake newspaper front page, but there you go. Still, while the acknowledgment of the passive aggression is funny, the ketchup-based reply is even funnier. So there’s hot dog tension in the newsroom, but funny co-workers, so it could be worse…
‘A tidy desk is a tidy mind’, that’s what our old boss used to say to us. And while it was kind of up to us what we had on our desks, we used to follow that rule. It works. Mess can be distracting. But there’s a tipping point to everything. You couldn’t tidy this desk up right here. It’s just not happening, is it? The only way you could undo this little lot is with an insurance scam fire. Mind you, maybe you wouldn’t need to intentionally start the fire… Just look at all that paper – this is a serious fire risk.
At most firms, nipping down to Costco to buy a whole bunch of giant teddy bears for the office would be a very rare occurrence. In fact, let’s face it – it’s never gonna happen. But here – we see that’s exactly what’s happening. But this office isn’t exactly a ‘normal’ office, is it? This is clearly some Silicon Valley workplace. One of these guys has invented some dumb app and now him and his buddies are all multi-millionaires. With no idea how to spend their fortune. Well, actually – that’s not true. They do. They buy huge teddies.
One of the biggest changes to the workplace in the past few years is the introduction and obsession with Health & Safety. It seems like every major firm has a whole department now that’s there to worry about where wires are trailing and what everyone’s supposed to do in the event of a fire. In the case of this company, they’ve got a firm plan in place… Run around and around in circles, panicking.
Toilets and offices again. We just can’t get away from the number ones and number twos at work. Still, the horrible smells and stains and things associated with the shared work toilet aren’t necessary. If you do what this office does right here, employees need not worry about it. The only downside of every desk having a toilet to perch on is that any stains on the bowl is clearly going to be attributable. There’s no denying it.
Oftentimes, things can just get weird at work. Office Fever sets in. It’s like Cabin Fever, except, well – it happens in an office. People rattle around a little room like that all day every day and suddenly – BLAM! People are starting to lose their minds. Craziness sets in. Before you know it – Margaret from Accounts has quit, been replaced by a baby T-Rex and your boss is throttling it. Hey, look – it happens.
Toilets aside – fridges at work can also be source of strife and warring in the office. Luckily for those people who work here, this here fridge isn’t for everyone, so squabbles are easily avoided. This refrigerator is for breast milk only. We’re not sure why it’s there or what company this is. Maybe it’s MumsNet – the website. Either way, it’s weird and we don’t like it. Total milky office fail.
Work sucks. We all know that. The worse thing for a lot of us is the crushing boredom and relentlessness of it all. You have to go in almost every single day. And talk to your boss. Oh, and work. But for some people, work can can be a lot worse. Like jobs where there’s a significant danger of you, well, dying. Accidents are rife in the workplace. Sure the Health & Safety people try, but there’s only so much they can do. Sometimes ‘accidents’ are going to happen. Like wherever this place is.
Your company’s only as good as its workers. Your frontline need to be tip-top. If your Customer Services staff are of high quality then any customers you have will be pleased. Even when they ring up to complain. So when you’re looking for the best, it’s probably best if workers like Shawn ‘quite’ on you. How did he even pass the literacy test at the interview stage, anyway? Someone needs to speak to Recruitment.
Work runs of caffeine, we all know that. Just imagine having to slog through your working day without the buckets of coffee that you rely on. It’s be a disaster, wouldn’t it? But just because you have access to large iced frappes and lattes, that doesn’t mean that you’re guaranteed to live your worklife entirely disaster-free, though. Just looks what can happen when it all goes wrong. Still, nice of the perp to take a snap before attempting a clean-up, huh?
What’s the most classic work-based prank? That’s right – the office Christmas party classic – photocopying your own butt. It’s a stunt as old as time… Well, okay – it’s a stunt as old as photocopiers. Or butts – we’re not sure. Anyway, this has become such a cliche now that the butt photocopy is no longer funny – it’s a bona fide office fail. Sorry to break it to you, office clowns.
Memes. The internet’s medium for smartass types to be smartasses. A picture with a wry little comment underneath it that laughs at something or somebody. Well, it’s good news for online trolls as it appears that they don’t have to keep their sneering cyberbullying memes just to the computers. You can print them off and taunt people with your memes in the office too! It works great for passive-aggressive notes, as shown here.
Every now and again, office workers will consider the relatively modern phenomenon of ‘going postal’. The phrase refers to when stressed-out employees (commonly those working for The Postal Service, hence the name) lose their cool one day and go crazy. With a gun. But while shooting up the office isn’t very nice – smashing up the place is a lot more tempting. Especially if you want to quite work and not, y’know – kinda murder everyone…