When caterpillars almost magically become butterflies, they metamorphosize into something quite incredible. It’s a pretty unique thing to see in nature. Us humans don’t hide in our beds for a week and then turn into dragons, for instance (more’s the pity). But perhaps we come kind of close when we – and by ‘we’, we’re talking about the female of the species here – becomes pregnant. The change is pretty remarkable. You swell up, you’re sick all the time, you eat coal… Things get seriously weird. And when things get weird, things fail. And when things fails, 4AllFails covers them….
Leaving your family thousands of miles behind you as you fly overseas to fight wars in the desert is heartbreakingly troublesome. We can only imagine how difficult it must be. But we’re sure the thoughts, memories and photos of your loved ones must ease the pain. As must the promise of seeing them again. It’s been twelve months since this guy’s been out of The States and hey – he’s even got a new kid on the way. Hang on… *does the math* SAY WHAAAAAA’?!
Look at this wacky guy. What a sports nut, huh? This is the fist of a few terrible and embarrassing pregnancy photo fails. These photo shoots are doing no one any favors – nobody comes out with any dignity. Take this first couple, for example. We can’t see the mom but we’re guessing she looks pretty sad about how lame this picture has turned out. The dad, on the other hand, looks over the moon with the idea of slam dunking his unborn child. Which, it has to be said, is mildly psychopathic.
There are nice ways to break the news that you’re expecting a child to your family. A nice big meal out somewhere fancy. A dinner party at home. If an expectant mom uses her imagination she can come up with all sorts of nice ways. But nowhere on that list would ‘accidental text message misunderstanding’ feature. Autocorrect is the smartphone user’s nemesis, we all know that. And it’s reared it’s ugly, ugly head once more here.
There are so many things about his pregnancy fail that make us shake our heads in despair. Firstly… 39 weeks left?! Isn’t that nine months? So she’s only just got pregnant? Wow – that’s a pretty big bump considering she’s 0 days pregnant. Next up in the despair list? That whole ‘baby daddy’ thing. And lastly? The creepy comments that this photo’s getting here make you wonder. Some guys will just perv over any woman on the internet, won’t they?
When you’re a pregnant lady and Halloween rolls around, your big ol’ baby bump is highly likely to restrict your costumes choices and options. So you end up having to be pretty darn creative. Like this lady. She’s taken her kid to be and made a brilliant creation out of it. Of course, the kid you see isn’t her kid (we hope). But while this outfit is impressive, it’s massively unsettling. Just imagine what the baby’s dad thought when he first clocked eyes on this monstrosity.
As you scroll down this page, this picture first strikes you as quite lovely. A pretty young woman, resplendent and glowing with pregnant beauty, holding her bump in a meadow. How very nice. But as we reach the bottom of the picture – that’s when the creepiness, well, creeps in. Let’s just hope that the odd-looking fella lurking in the background is the kid’s dad, eh? Otherwise this woman needs to run. And fast.
You’ll have seen plenty of selfies in your time, no doubt. And plenty of awful ones, too. Our favorites are the ‘sexy’ ones that really aren’t all that alluring. As with the saucy pictures with visible dooks in the toilet. No Mr Hankys here, but there’s a giant great big pregnancy bump making this erotic selfie about 8000% less erotic than the model had hoped. Not that there’s anything unattractive about a baby bump, but c’mon… The pulled-up shirt, innocent pose and stockings? We’re in serious fail territory here.
Hey, look – we know it’s a little unfair to rag on a little kid, but if we were that couple? Based on their first creation? We might not bother with another… Dang. We do actually feel a little bad after saying that. He’s looks nice enough. At least he’s smiling. Which is more than we can say for his expectant parents. Look how glum they are. It’s, quite frankly, bizarre. Cheer up! You’ve got a little kiddy on the way! Miserable lot.
You know what it’s like in a marriage or long-term relationship. Sometimes you just need to mix it up a little. You know, go wild. Try something new. Something you’ve never tried before. In the bedroom. Admittedly, not this, but still. God, we just hope that this Facebook post was written as a joke. We hope beyond hope, in fact. The only way to know for sure is to wait until she gives birth. If the baby stands up on all fours immediately and gingerly trots towards a field, we’ll have our answer.
“Hey, honey. You know what would be good? What if we had a pregnancy photo shoot done?”
“Any idea of what we should do? What kind of theme should we have? Maybe Egyptian? 1920s? Titanic?”
“Er… Yeah, maybe. I’ve just had a pretty good idea… Actually – a GREAT ONE! How about we mock up a scene where it looks like I’m in a gunfight and I’ve grabbed you at random to be my hostage/human shield?”
“I LOVE IT!”
Some of these pregnancy photo shoots try to show love and devotion between the couple and kind of fail. But this one right here sort of does the opposite. The photographer has told them to demonstrate their feelings for one another. And they’ve both dived right in. And it’s left us cringing slightly. Things look like they’re pretty close to getting hot and heavy. Easy, guy – you’ll get her double pregnant!
Well, we already know what can happen when women get too up close and personal with horses, don’t we? We just wonder whether this expectant mom is from Arkansas or not. Let’s pray that she’s just atop a horse for the photo opportunity and this isn’t actually a mother and father shoot. Although, hey – who are we to judge? People can do what they want. And maybe a horse’d make a good dad. Don’t listen to the neigh-sayers.
This guy’s trying to make his partner feel better about her ballooning self by getting his (even bigger) belly out for the cameras. Is he about to give birth? He does look like he’s pregnant. Albeit with a couple of giant burritos and a six pack of Bud Lights. This reminds us of the movie ‘Junior’ with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Tch, what an awful film that was. We’re going to stop looking at this picture now.
See, this is better? A young couple bringing new life into the world. A pair that are very happy about their situation and their little kid. Just ignore all the comments and things below the status. You know, the input from others that kind of makes the whole pregnancy thing look like a terrible mistake because they’re almost certainly going to split up immediately after the kid’s born (or even before). Forget that, let’s just revel in the majesty and beauty of young love. Until they split up, of course.
Damien. Wow. What a name to give your kid. Okay we know that the demonic child figure from The Omen isn’t the most famous character from movie history, but he’s up there. But wait. Maybe this lady’s son was named after Damian Marley, Bob’s son. The huge cannabis leaf tattoo makes us think that she could be keen on reggae. Or just keen on having a smoke. Reggae and pregnancy? We’re all for it. Smoking and pregnancy, on the other hand? Not a good combo.