Nowadays, everything needs a photograph. It seems that people can’t do anything or go anywhere without snapping a selfie or waving their camera, smartphone or – worse – tablet – about the place. In the olden days, you had a couple of pictures of you as a child, the odd vacation photo and four or five of you on your wedding day. Now? Every occasion deserves a photo shoot. Engagement pictures are a thing now, apparently. Elaborate, self-indulgent photograph sets that no one except the two people getting married care about. And, naturally, they often go wrong. And rightly so. Here are fifteen of the worst offenders.
Themed engagement photo shoots. Now, we’ll be honest, we weren’t overly familiar with the concept of these until quite recently. And if we can continue to be honest, we kind of wish we still knew nothing about them. Only to bring you this gallery of fifteen images, we had to fall down a bit of a rabbit hole which it’s almost impossible to scrabble out of. What even IS THIS?! Absolutely horrible, that’s what.
“Honey, will you marry me???” “Yes, baby, of course! Oh, I’m so happy that you asked. I can’t wait to marry you and live happily ever after with you. The wedding’s going to be amazing. And the engagement photo shoot too…” “Oh, yeah. Did you really want one of those?” “Ummm… Yeah.” “Okay, but if we do have a professional photographer take our pictures for it, I want us to pose like we’re boxing. You know, so it looks like I’m about to punch you in the face.” “…”
Here’s a couple that have clearly got a lot in common. Not only do they think that it’s perfectly acceptable to have one of these stupid photo sets, they both clearly have a very childish sense of humor, don’t they? “Ahahaha! It’s says ‘No Dumping’! And yet he’s pretending to take a dump!” Isn’t that so freakin’ funny??? AHAHAHAHA!” We wish these two the very best of life in their marriage, we really do. We just hope we never have to meet them.
Now, this is funny. Provided you subscribe to lazy and tired gender stereotyping in relationships. If you think that it’s the guys who go out and earn the money only to then have to hand it all over to a nagging harpy of a wife who fritters it all away on make-up and tampons, then this kind of shot is just for you. For any other right-minded person alive, this is just a big fat engagement photo fail.
Now, at least this isn’t a really crummy joke. Granted, this engagement photo is weird, but it’s quite imaginative. If a little creepy. The guy looks like some kind of bizarre green squirrel groom-type thing. Very strange. Still, who doesn’t like a Spiderman kiss, huh? But you have to think – how on Earth did they manage to stage this picture? Like, how did the dude get up the tree? And stay there?!
Here we clearly see two movie fans who are keen to recreate the famous scene from From Here to Eternity where the two lead stars make out on the beach. It’s a classic, iconic scene. But there’s something less cool about a middled-aged couple in denim copping off with each other. It’s not quite the same as cool ’50s Hollywood chic, is it? And they’ll have to wash all of those clothes, won’t they? Urgh. Too much effort.
Wow. Just look at this… It’s almost incredible, isn’t it? It might appear from first glance that this woman is staring at her husband-to-be with a look of love, but we’re not so sure. We think it might actually be more of a look of tolerance. After all, c’mon… Just look at the man’s ‘hilarious’ Spiderman joke. He’s no Spiderman. Or even Peter Parker. He’s just a geeky comic book bore. We’re betting they’re divorced already. Or at least that’s what we’re hoping, anyway…
Now then. This may be a wild stab in the dark and wholly inaccurate, but we’re going to go right ahead and guess that this couple – or at least, this woman… REALLY likes rabbits. Don’t ask us why. It’s just a feeling we’ve got. Call it a hunch if you like, but we’re sticking with it. What a lovely photograph, huh? We bet it has pride of place on their wall. Causing hysterics for any visitors. And rightly so. This is just unacceptable. It really is.
Oh, now this IS clever. Can you see what this very witty and imaginative young couple have done here? They’ve mocked up a scene which appears to show the man having caught his bride-to-be while out fishing. Presumably as a nod to his hobby and not just because IT’S SO GODDAMN HILARIOUS. Urgh. These terrible engagement photo fails are starting to get us down. We need a cup of coffee.
This couple clearly love each other. She – obviously loves him a lot. But him? Well, who knows? He does have his back to her. But maybe we’re just reading too much into things. It looks as though he *is* quite in love with his own tattoos… For some reason. And, if we’re not much mistaken, shaving his chest too. Still, we think the two are connected. He shaves his rug so we can all better see his tatts. What an awful engagement picture. We wish these weren’t things.
So the defining thing about this couple’s relationship is what? That they both enjoying ordering junk food? They had a breakfast burrito together once? They both shout a lot? Whatever it is, it’s tacky. Admittedly, it’s a well lit and well staged picture, but the quality and know-how of the photographer doesn’t appease us. We’re still livid about these photos being staged. Can you tell? Well, they’re about to get even worse…
WOW! Perspective! Isn’t it great?! It’s constantly hilarious if you ask us. Take this engagement photograph. Isn’t it clever how… Oh, we can’t do it anymore. Even sarcasm is getting too much for us. We’ve no protection against these dreadful things. They’re an insult to humankind and the invention of the camera. Why are people doing them? WHY?! They’re absolutely dreadful, each and every one of them. Bar none. This is especially bad too.
Is this picture even staged? Are they both trying to be funny? Or is it just a couple of people in laughable knitwear having a bad photo taken? It’s kind of hard to tell with this one photograph. Hell, maybe this is just her smile. Imagine that. It’s a small wonder she’s getting anyone to marry her really, isn’t it? It must be their mutual affection for wool which has brought this two together in love. How lovely.
WOW. Just… WOW. This woman looks fairly normal, doesn’t she? So we’re not entirely sure why she’s so keen on having her engagement photo shoot look like she’s attacking a half-naked Nazi from behind. It’s a little strange, to say the least. And not the least bit creepy. In fact, this is a photograph that we’re pretty sure will haunt our every waking – and sleeping – moment. We wouldn’t be surprised to find out that Hollywood makes a horror movie out of this picture.
Ah… Now this is love, isn’t it? Isn’t it? We don’t know. It looks more like two weirdos humping on a tree stump to us. But then again we’re not engagement photo experts, clearly. In fact, we think we’ve made it pretty clear that the whole notion disgusts us and make us want to smash our heads through our computer screens. We’re in Failsville. And these people are the mayors.